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Thursday, January 24, 2013

A brand new year

Assalamualaikum and hi :)

It's been a long time since my last post . Actually i've deleted them all . It's quite bothering to read my own posts with all those childish stuffs . Hihi by the way, this year i'm gonna be 16 . Yupp an upper in secondary school . By this time, i'm still in my old school, not so beloved SMKIP . 

Well, there's so many things that i wanna share but from my prediction no one will ever try to read so to be safe, only one post to start . 

Being a 16 years old girl with normal feelings normal attitude or behaviour, it is hard to cope with new subjects new teachers new life and BOY . Everything is kinda weird for me . Enough for that .

I'm now actually trying so hard to hold my tears because my sister is still awake . Dada ni dah rasa sebak sangat . Banyak hal dah berlaku dalam tahun ni walaupun 2013 baru sahaja membuka tirai . Perangai aku memang suka pendam perasaan . Malam-malam berlari masuk tandas sebab selalu tak tahan nak menangis . Aku pun sendiri tak tahu kenapa aku pelik sangat sekarang ni . Mudah menangis dan cepat terasa . Sebelum ni, akulah orang yang paling kuat . Jarang menangis kecuali masa sakit . 

Tapi sekarang ni sangat berbeza . Mungkin Allah swt dah mula bukak hati aku untuk berubah ke arah kebaikan . I've been crying all night long regretting all my mistakes and sins . This is from my recent tweet :

"People often say "Past is past" but the truth is it's hard to forget your past and living the present . Because sometimes they haunt you ."

This is really true . Pernah sekali aku bermimpi benda maksiat yang aku buat dulu dan aku menangis sampai basah bantal . Selepas solat taubat memang lega tapi rasa menyesal tu tak hilang . Yang selalu aku fikir 'kenapalah aku bodoh sangat sampai larangan Allah swt pun aku langgar' . 'Bodoh bodoh bodoh' .


Tu baru maksiat, belum dosa dengan ibu bapa lagi . I'm not the type that can cuddle with my mom or my dad easily . Imma bit shy actually . Aku cakap kasar, kuat tengking dan suka marah-marah . MasyaAllah tak terhitung dosa aku . Tapi alhamdulillah sekarang ni dah kurang semua tu . Mungkin sebab amalan mengaji kot . 

There's one guy i really like him . Not just ordinary like, i actually love him . We're not living near to each other . I'm in Kota Bharu and he's studying in Dungun . It's hard . Really really hard . Hard to meet and hard to talk . We're now not more than two people with memories . I totally miss how we used to skype and talk on the phone for hours . I often pray for us . Allah  swt has his own reason for doing this to us . Aku redha . Mungkin bukan masanya lagi . Aku baru 16 tahun . Masih jauh perjalanan kalau Allah tak ambil nyawa aku lagi . Now, besides praying for your health and life, i always stalk your twitter and facebook  . Ya, memang aku bebal dan muka tak malu . I don't really care . I love you, ruzairi :*

After all, changing from bad to good is a tough job ever . Pray for me to be a better muslim :) Semoga Allah swt kuatkan hatiku untuk tempuhi semua dugaan atas dunia ni . Assalamualaikum :))

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